I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
