Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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