Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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