i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
