Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
