TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
