Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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