Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
