haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
