Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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