That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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