i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
