he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
