No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
