dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
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Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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