Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
