he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
