You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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