I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
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Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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