I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
