i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
