i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just cropdusted the office
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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