My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
