What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
