im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Randomize
