So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
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Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
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I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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