Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I need water and some morals
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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