guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
In America we eat man semen.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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