His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You have to summon your inner elephant
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
