btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize