I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
