these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
