Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Randomize
