I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
