Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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