I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
