I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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