every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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