3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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