oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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