The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
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Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
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There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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