Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
