he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
