The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
