RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
