the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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