I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
