oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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