I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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