I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
