Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
