Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
