Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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