i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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