You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
