You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
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He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
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Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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