it's too hot outside to masturbate.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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