I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
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We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
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The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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