in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
