The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
