I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
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she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
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I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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