He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
