Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
