he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize