I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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