Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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