Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
