Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
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we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
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my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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