OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
