once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
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I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
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Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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