He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize