I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
