She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
