party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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