matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
