i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
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We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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