man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
