I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
