To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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