I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My pussy is not your playground.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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