PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
