oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
