I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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