If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
