There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
