Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
