I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
