The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
