the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
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Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
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I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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