dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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