theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I have post one night stand depression
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