He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Girls should come with a carfax report
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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